The emotion I feel when I see or hear a girl say “I could never have the strength to leave him” is an emotion I can not describe. I was the girl that did not have the strength to leave my exboyfriend. I never stood up for myself. But guess who left him. Me.
You know where my “strength” came from? It came from being sick and tired of letting some guy constantly disrespect me and push me around. Yeah yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before, “I love him”, “he’s the one”, “I can’t live without him”, blah blah blah. Guess what! YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM. And if you really do not think you can live without him, especially at age 14-18, you have no idea how much more shit life has in store for you. You have no idea how much more growing up you have to do. And don’t start with the “I’ve been through so much in my life, you don’t know me,” because I’ve heard that before too. Each year, you grow up an enormous amount. That is what life is. Growing up. And sometimes that means growing apart. Or growing enough strength to leave someone you think you are in love with.
And let me say something else while I’m on the subject. Love is not constantly fighting. Love is not calling names. And love certainly is not cheating in any way, shape, or form. If a guy says he loves you, yet turns around and makes you feel like shit, that is not love. Love is meant to make people happy. And make them feel good. And make them want to better themselves. And if you’re in a relationship where the person you’re with is constantly making you feel horrible about how you feel, how you look, what you think, then you need to get out of that relationship.
To all the girls that think they do not have enough strength, you do.
I needed to bitch about that for a few seconds.
“ We were the kings and queens of promise
We were the victims of ourselves
Maybe the children of a lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell
30 Seconds To Mars
“ Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.
ANONYMOUS
I want to make art. Beautiful art. The kind that takes the worlds breath away.
“I’ll never talk again, oh you’ve left me speechless. You’ve left me speechless so speechless. And I’ll never love again.”
That is from Lady Gaga’s song Speechless. She wrote it for her dad who has serious health issues, and the only way to get better was if he got heart surgery. She’d call him all the time to try to convince him to get the operation, which he did not want to get. I loved this song before, but seeing the true meaning behind it, makes me think of my aunt. Not just of her before her death, but after.
Why is it that the thing you want most, you don’t get? Think back to a time you wanted something very badly. And think about now. Usually the things you want change over time. This got me to thinking, if you want something so badly now, what if you don’t get that thing? Will you eventually get over it and find the next best thing to want? But isn’t that how things work? They change, and feelings change, and your desires can change as well. Will this pass? If the feelings can change, then maybe the thing I want most is for them to.
When someone finds the right guy, does that person get a feeling? The kind that puts you at ease and tells you it’s okay? Because if that’s it, I think I have that feeling. I thought it was just a simple crush, but it has grown into something more. And today I found out just how much more. I haven’t felt this way in a pretty long time. I’m not sure what to do. I feel as if we are both “going with the flow”. Seeing what happens. I don’t want to complicate it. It’s simple and perfect as it is. But then I have that fear. That fear in the pit of my stomach, in the middle of my mind, telling me to stop. Saying save yourself the hurt and stop the good feeling now. Hurting somewhat in a relationship is seeming to be nearly impossible these days. Is it logical to have fear? Because if it is then I am not in the wrong.
